Apart from the plain dumbness of this blogpost, their isn't anything great in this post. Its purely my ramblings of the weird reactions you get when you cycle in our cities in India.
So you take out your nice 700$ cycle, strap on the helmet, gloves, ipod and turn the lights on - so the idiots on the road don't hit you. You are now the most bizarre species on Indian roads, the cops, the autowalas, the cabbies, the nuclear family on the bike to drunk assholes in their hondas will gawk at you like they never seen or been on a cycle.
so here's a tale of my conversations with random gawking strangers
Exhibit A: Two teenagers on motorbike chasing me down as I ride my MTB hard at 30km/hr on this traffic road only to ask me "Bhaiya, aap cycle kyon chalate hon?" WHAT ???!!!!! I was dumb founded and I am sure this dimb witted bandra idiot would have asked me next "Why do I breathe" and I would be stuck explaining big bang theory and universe to him all night.
Exhibit B: This is marine drive and 11 30pm. Drunk clown in his honda city pulls next to me and insists I let him ride for a bit while I drive his car. It was the most bizarre thing to say no to. I had a good instinct to take it and bash his car a bit for he was annoying me. As a drunk driver, I doubt he could have much on me then.
Exhibit C: An amused couple on a scooty pull up, just to ask where the breaks are? and then stare at each other in absolute shock at this 8th wonder of the world, when I showed them the disc brakes. I was actually amazed that they were trying to find my brakes for the last 1km.
Exhibit D: Autowala bhaiya desperately trying to make a conversation as I am struggling to keep my MTB with trail tyres at a speed of 33-35km/hr at peak traffic hours. His intelligent remark "Bhaiya, 35 ki speed hain, aur tez chalao" I mean he did sound like a desi version of a coach saying "Harder, Faster". But all this while he was pulling his auto dangerously close to me. Not cool bro!
Exhibit E: Another drivers fascination as he sees my sweat, " Kitna dor se aa rahe hon?"( How far are you coming from?" All this with a sympathetic look on his face and an expression of sheer pity for my poor state on a cycle. This explains the ugliness and round shape of most Indians. There is something called movement, working out etc. which your body is made for rather than sit and eat that heavy food and fart.
Exhibit F: This is the most common question "Kitne ki li". ( How much did you buy it for ?). A country obsessed in dividing everything by its price and trying to comment on how they know a cheaper, better place and how all these "foreign goods" are all fancy and how atlas cycles come for Rs. 4000. No doubt "Kitna deti gain" was a hit campaign, at least my bike gives away 500 + calories in an hour. Take that bitches.
Exhibit G: The 5 star hotels. One of these nights we decide to break our ride with a 2 am bite at one of the 5 stars in the suburbs of Mumbai. Result: Two 5 stars had no clue what to do with 3 bikers riding into their hotels. They had gaurds chasing us to say "Cycle nahin allowed" ( Cycles not allowed). After arguing with the management that we can well afford the place, our cycles were asked to be parked outside the hotel and a guard assigned to take care of our bikes. This was after tons of drama, walkie conversations and a call to some senior manager or general manager to understand "How to deal with 3 cyclists". Same thing happened at Marriott, 10 minutes of talking to 4 guards and then the manager and then his senior. Finally bikes allowed inside, we were asked the value of these 3 bikes ( above a 100,000Rs. ) and a guard assigned to watch these. Then the manager accompanied us till inside the hotel, probably checking whether we actually eat at his coffee shop or not.
There is tons more but I am tired and its a freaking monday. I got the world to change.
And, if you think this post is rude, or I look down upon people, BE IT. You have never ran or rode a bike in the cities of this country. Every ride across town is like a war medal, you have survived crazy bikers, random brakes, animals - assholes jumping traffic light and every vehicle trying to squeeze you out of the road and the buses - wow - they will squash you without hesitation. To train, to ride and just to have few inches of the road is a nightmare.
Some will give solution of 5am wake up calls or like I suggest mid-night rides but really? Can't I just normally ride to and fro to places.
Being a runner and somewhat a cyclist, I have ran/biked in Bombay, Delhi, Pune, Hyderabad, Bangalore, Goa apart from few international destination like NYC, San Fran and more. Our country ranks so terribly on its treatment of sports or outdoor activities, that we must commit suicide as we are anyway killing our bodies everyday by sitting on our asses.
So you take out your nice 700$ cycle, strap on the helmet, gloves, ipod and turn the lights on - so the idiots on the road don't hit you. You are now the most bizarre species on Indian roads, the cops, the autowalas, the cabbies, the nuclear family on the bike to drunk assholes in their hondas will gawk at you like they never seen or been on a cycle.
so here's a tale of my conversations with random gawking strangers
Exhibit A: Two teenagers on motorbike chasing me down as I ride my MTB hard at 30km/hr on this traffic road only to ask me "Bhaiya, aap cycle kyon chalate hon?" WHAT ???!!!!! I was dumb founded and I am sure this dimb witted bandra idiot would have asked me next "Why do I breathe" and I would be stuck explaining big bang theory and universe to him all night.
Exhibit C: An amused couple on a scooty pull up, just to ask where the breaks are? and then stare at each other in absolute shock at this 8th wonder of the world, when I showed them the disc brakes. I was actually amazed that they were trying to find my brakes for the last 1km.
Exhibit D: Autowala bhaiya desperately trying to make a conversation as I am struggling to keep my MTB with trail tyres at a speed of 33-35km/hr at peak traffic hours. His intelligent remark "Bhaiya, 35 ki speed hain, aur tez chalao" I mean he did sound like a desi version of a coach saying "Harder, Faster". But all this while he was pulling his auto dangerously close to me. Not cool bro!
Exhibit E: Another drivers fascination as he sees my sweat, " Kitna dor se aa rahe hon?"( How far are you coming from?" All this with a sympathetic look on his face and an expression of sheer pity for my poor state on a cycle. This explains the ugliness and round shape of most Indians. There is something called movement, working out etc. which your body is made for rather than sit and eat that heavy food and fart.
Exhibit F: This is the most common question "Kitne ki li". ( How much did you buy it for ?). A country obsessed in dividing everything by its price and trying to comment on how they know a cheaper, better place and how all these "foreign goods" are all fancy and how atlas cycles come for Rs. 4000. No doubt "Kitna deti gain" was a hit campaign, at least my bike gives away 500 + calories in an hour. Take that bitches.
Exhibit G: The 5 star hotels. One of these nights we decide to break our ride with a 2 am bite at one of the 5 stars in the suburbs of Mumbai. Result: Two 5 stars had no clue what to do with 3 bikers riding into their hotels. They had gaurds chasing us to say "Cycle nahin allowed" ( Cycles not allowed). After arguing with the management that we can well afford the place, our cycles were asked to be parked outside the hotel and a guard assigned to take care of our bikes. This was after tons of drama, walkie conversations and a call to some senior manager or general manager to understand "How to deal with 3 cyclists". Same thing happened at Marriott, 10 minutes of talking to 4 guards and then the manager and then his senior. Finally bikes allowed inside, we were asked the value of these 3 bikes ( above a 100,000Rs. ) and a guard assigned to watch these. Then the manager accompanied us till inside the hotel, probably checking whether we actually eat at his coffee shop or not.There is tons more but I am tired and its a freaking monday. I got the world to change.
And, if you think this post is rude, or I look down upon people, BE IT. You have never ran or rode a bike in the cities of this country. Every ride across town is like a war medal, you have survived crazy bikers, random brakes, animals - assholes jumping traffic light and every vehicle trying to squeeze you out of the road and the buses - wow - they will squash you without hesitation. To train, to ride and just to have few inches of the road is a nightmare.
Some will give solution of 5am wake up calls or like I suggest mid-night rides but really? Can't I just normally ride to and fro to places.
Being a runner and somewhat a cyclist, I have ran/biked in Bombay, Delhi, Pune, Hyderabad, Bangalore, Goa apart from few international destination like NYC, San Fran and more. Our country ranks so terribly on its treatment of sports or outdoor activities, that we must commit suicide as we are anyway killing our bodies everyday by sitting on our asses.
Haha I've been commuting to work by cycle a few times a week for the past two years and I must say you're absolutely bang on.
ReplyDeleteI am actually very wary of using it to get around when I don't know of a guarantee parking spot with minimum bullshit.
He he, you must come here then... A little distance away from Gurgaon on the national highway we get pelted with stones, there are these hordes of locals who try to snatch your bikes :) If you have a woman cyclist in your group, well, all the best! However, the best "exhibit" was when I was riding in Kumaon hills. An old man in a small village market asked me where I was headed. I replied, "Kausani." He asked, "On the cycle?", I replied "Yes". Then he stumped me with his final question: "Kyon?"
ReplyDeleteThe best I had it on my MTB shimla ride when i was trying to keep pace on steep uphill at 8:00 ish on a moonlit night and stopped for a quick break when two young girls came out of there house and asked this question " how much do you get doing this ?"
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed the post. But other than what Roshan mentioned, which is a region called Mewat, the rest is changing very rapidly. I think most in Delhi and Gurgaon now accept us cyclists in helmets and often come to help when we are in a spot of bother. Over a period, their knowledge of what we do has gone up and they make intelligent conversation amongst themselves too, we have noticed.
ReplyDeleteOf course, we are always unsure of what to tell them about the cost. Say the correct price of some of the high-end ones and risk something later on, or say something low to these landed guys (these guys are wroth more than all of us put together, at times) and they may turn back and say: Mai deta hun itna, mujhe bech de.
All in all, though things were bad, but they haven't gone worse, they are actually getting better.
Something you can't say about our nation, unfortunately :)
BTW, from hotels I remembered this post I did in March 2010: http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/randomaccess/entry/practical-government-impractical-hotels
Cheers and thanks for this lovely blog :)
I so agree to your article, it shows the aloofness of our society towards outdoor activities and a cyclist is someone who has rights.
ReplyDeleteA couple of weeks back me and a friend decided to have breakfast at Radisson, Paschim Viha, New Delhi. We faced a similar scenarios and were denied entry into the hotel. We were asked to park our cycles outside the hotel and they would have no liability of it's security. On arguing we were told cars worth crores are moving outside who is interested in your cycle. After a lot of arguing and senior manager stepping in were given parking spot in the basement, but we decided to not take it and went to Hilton Hotel. To our surprise the at Hilton guard welcomed us and helped park. They were very courteous and aware that a cyclist could afford their services.
Thanks for the article.. Cheers!!
Priyam
Love the way you write! You took the words right out of almost every cyclist's mouth! Kudos to you :)
ReplyDelete